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#1 2014-04-02 04:49:28

absentinsomniac
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Registered: 2012-06-09
Posts: 16,750

A Life Thread

In a forum of political argument, scientific thought processes, doubt and building technical knowledge, we don't talk much about the act of living outside of some of the darker sides of it. Depression, suicide, drug use and perceptual change on substances, dreams...


What about actual life? Not day to day actions, but the only moments that make life worth it? I haven't had many. Some of the best times I've had in my life were in my dreams. Infact, probably almost ALL of my favorite memories were had in dreams. But percentually, what's the difference between live perception and memory based perception? It's just chemistry and physics in the brain, the only difference is apparently objectivity of live perception, but to our neural connections there isn't a difference. Sometimes (see, a lot of times) I like to think of these instances as real. I've documented a few in my blog, but they are far and inbetween.


Sometimes I want to be a fixture in a video game. A bartender, someone of importance, sure, but a fixture nonetheless. Interactive, but not a main character. Like I'm a guy who does a constant job, but he's happy. They have this term in English: One dimentional characters. Sometimes that's what I want to be. I want to be complex, but one dimentional. Unchanging, but deep. I think we all expect to be, when we're older, but it's never going to happen. When you were 12, did you think when you were 20 you would still be unsure? Still have doubts that you're doing the right thing? It'll be the same when you're 30 or 40, you won't have figured it all out. Nobody ever does. Imagine being an enlightened one dimentional character? Like you DO have it figured out. What if you were a full character, a filled out character that has it all figured out? In literature, that's still considered one dimentional, or maybe there's another term, because it's unrealistic.


(A guy is playing a ukelele.)


I had a friend once who told me that the worst mistake that you can make is to think you are alive, when you're really asleep in life's waiting room. The trick is to combine your waking rational abilities with the infinite possibilities of your dreams. 'Cause if you can do that you can do anything. Did you ever have a job that you hated? Worked really hard at? A long, hard day at work, finally you get to go home, get in bed, close your eyes, and immediately you wake up and realize that the whole day at work had been a dream? It's bad enough that you sell your waking life for ... for minimum wage, but now they get your dreams for free.

And like manipulating emotion through text, through voice, through acting. I can do that through text. That guy up there in that quote just did it. If you were paying attention, reading like a good reader should, you felt his emotion he was trying to convey. If you could see him (in the movie waking life) you could feel the mutual disdain that builds, the comraderie of having to deal with living life and working. And the guy seems completely relaxed and unworried while sending you through these emotions, then reassuringly laughs with you. Like he's that enlightened one dimentional character.


And then I just realized HOLY MOTORS or w/e is featured in a way.


Fucc

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#2 2014-04-02 05:06:41

absentinsomniac
Administrator
Registered: 2012-06-09
Posts: 16,750

Re: A Life Thread

And you think in layers, right? Like if you are trying to do something really specific you can think on that one layer, but usually for me at least it's like I'm thinking on multiple layers. I switch between them. "What am I doing right now, how am I doing at it, how does it relate to the overall plan, what is the overall plan" and up it goes. Don't know what the base layer is or the top layer, but life really is just a series of layers that you keep switching your mind between. Perception, dreams, what you're doing, what you're planning, like these thought processes keep changing.


Maybe that's overhead? The concept of overhead in computing and business is that there are managerial and management type tasks, allocation and processing type tasks, that are necssary for things to work. For example, managers overseeing workers. In computing, say, destination data on a packet. It's overhead becasue it's not DIRECTLY doing what you want, it's just fascilitating it.


Maybe in our lives, the best way to live is in the moment, but there's too much overhead for that, so a great deal of the time you're in another layer of thought. Staying in that moment is really difficult, too. It's like an art. If you find yourself in a moment you REALLY want to experience, are you going to be able to cut out anxiety and other overhead like behaviors? Thoughts of what's going to happen next, etc? Are you goin gto be able to just LIVE? Like in my various dreams? Am I going to be able to? And will you be able to get anything done if you're just in this moment all the time? In this continuous  moment of awe at the world, because look, it's LIFE happening here. It's amazing! What if you're too caught up in the awe of it to be functional and get anything done, and that's why these other thought process layers are there, and necessary?


But life is FOR these moments, no? That's the point.


Fucc

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#3 2014-04-02 05:27:27

absentinsomniac
Administrator
Registered: 2012-06-09
Posts: 16,750

Re: A Life Thread

And then, what are we doing? Is the overhead taking control, increasing, growing out of control like a memory leak in a C program filling up the heap until there's nothing left and we crash?


I see some people who made it out, this girl I know, she brings me out sometimes. I don't know. What if she hasn't any reflection? Not enough overhead, so we're not compatible? Perhaps. But what about me? Too much overhead. Way too much. My stack is filling up.


I travel around like an ant, nothing required of me, nothing human anyway. I interact on auto-pilot. Thanks when someone opens a door for me, no problem when someone says thanks, a system of dehumanization and automation that is social correctness. It's necessary to keep away the bad parts of us. Abuse, demeaning, bullying and what not, but perhaps it's also squandered possible intimate connection and instances in life that really would matter to us. Game-changers. Entire new events that could change us and our path devoured thanks to a little too much politeness.


I can't break the cycle, and no one I've come across is willing to do it for me. I keep hoping they will do it for me, but no one will. They did it for themself, and to expect them to do it for me, too? It's too much to ask of them. But what of others? I want to help them. I want to be the guy in the park you run into and he changes the way you think, if only for a little bit. The guy people come and see for abstract advice that is exactly what you need to hear. The static one dimentional comforting character who brings you out. Or even the non-static man, the involved one, who pulls an individual, some person out of the ant-esque existance and shows them the world.


And back to the ukelale, if you will, entwined in this ant idea... What if you are able to evoke emotion like that, pull people out of their ant-esque-ness? You become a GOD of sorts. You can change peoples lives, set them on a path. What you tell them, what, if they are ready to take it, you can do to change their thought process, hell, even them interacting with you and that building their confidence can and might cause a butterfly effect and change their entire existence, eventually changing their entire life's projection. Like where they are going from here on out has changed. You caused that.


Fucc

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#4 2014-04-02 05:39:01

gore
*looses shit internally*
Registered: 2012-06-24
Posts: 6,235

Re: A Life Thread

You must be bored to type all this.


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#5 2014-04-02 06:14:05

absentinsomniac
Administrator
Registered: 2012-06-09
Posts: 16,750

Re: A Life Thread

No, no, the opposite. It's the most important stuff there is to the big picture, and to the individual picture, I think. If one can internalize a conclusion. Develop a way of life. All of this streaming into the conciousness, but can it be packaged neatlly and deployed? If not, perhaps it's just information, but if so, it's the most important stuff there is. Maybe.


Also I feel like I'm building something here. Parts of it.


Fucc

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#6 2014-04-02 06:14:46

SaintVicious
Jewing Intensifies
Registered: 2012-06-09
Posts: 7,029

Re: A Life Thread

you're a huge fag

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#7 2014-04-02 06:25:07

absentinsomniac
Administrator
Registered: 2012-06-09
Posts: 16,750

Re: A Life Thread

no ur just lazy


Fucc

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#8 2014-04-02 07:15:20

loon_attic
Banned
Registered: 2012-06-08
Posts: 10,259

Re: A Life Thread

I read it all but I don't know what you're even referring to some of the time.
Wouldn't it be nice if at least college was 'living' rather than overhead? I think it can be sometimes... sometimes.


sloth wrote:

Comfy does not provide challenge, challenge provides success, success provides happiness. Our world is not comfy, although we tried to make it so. Slaves of our own inventions, yada, yada. Not only on a technological level, also on a social and political level. Nothing more but apes. Apes with psychosomatic disorders.

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#9 2014-04-03 01:51:26

brainiac3397
Machiavellian Amoeba
From: A Dimension of Pure Insanity
Registered: 2013-12-20
Posts: 4,914

Re: A Life Thread

I'm more the main character who's leading the story, and ends up meeting said bartender for a hospitable interrogation discussion.

You lost me at overhead though. Mind clearing that up(or more explaining...whatever floats yer boat)?


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#10 2014-04-03 02:25:01

absentinsomniac
Administrator
Registered: 2012-06-09
Posts: 16,750

Re: A Life Thread

Granted, a lot of this wasn't clear to anyone not in my head.


So when you're getting ready to perform a task, you have to think on a couple of different levels. You think about how long it's going to take, how to go about it, what you need to do it, if you know how to do it, if you even want to do it... That's all overhead. Actually performing the task is not overhead, that's doing the task. Some of the overhead is necessary, though, to even do the task. But alas, what if these tasks themselves become overhead? The stack gets longer, the layers deeper... You're task then is just a means to an end, and thus it's overhead too, in a sense.


So let's say your goal is something pretty concrete, but requires a lot of stuff, like being in the moment. And by in the moment, I mean you're completely focused on something you WANT to be doing. That's how I'm defining it for this example, anyway. What's required? Here's a possible stack of layers:


-- Stay fed (you can't be in the moment if you're worried about finding food.)
-- Get a means of income.
-- Get a place to stay.
-- Make sure it's stable. (E.g get a job.)
-- What would make it easiest to be happy doing what you want, thus easiest to be in the moment.
-- Do you have to go to school for this?


Etc, etc. All of that COULD be considered overhead if all you really wanna do in life is live in the moment, doing what you want to do and being completely focused on that.


Wouldn't it be nice if at least college was 'living' rather than overhead? I think it can be sometimes... sometimes.

Yeah, it would. I think that would require a few things...


1.) You know exactly where you want to be.
2.) You know college is the way to get there.
3.) You're doing what you enjoy.


In that state of mind you could minimize anxieties and maximize your awareness, that is, minimize overhead and maximize living in the moment and enjoying your surroundings and your situation.


Like, right now my entire life is being consumed doing shit I do not like doing in order to get to a position in life where I don't have to do this type of work anymore. Where I can be comfortable. Maybe I'll never reach that comfort-zone, maybe I'll never reach a point where I'll always be able to live in the moment, but maybe I'll be able to reach a point where I can maximize the instances in life where overhead drops off and I have those rare moments (like the ones I have in my dreams discussed before) where nothing else matters to me but that moment. Instances that I never want to end. I want to maximize those, reducing overhead to zero in those instances. I think to get to that, I have to have resources and to get resources, I'm going to college. Unfotunately, so far, 90% of my college experience has been overhead. 95% of my work experience is overhead. I have very, very few instances where overhead drops off and I have a real moment worth living, which is what the point of life itself is, for me subjectively.


Does that make sense?


Fucc

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#11 2014-04-04 11:27:58

gore
*looses shit internally*
Registered: 2012-06-24
Posts: 6,235

Re: A Life Thread

Not sure if this is relevant since I didn't read, but this will help you.
[video]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WRK8qhuniJQ[/video]


366.gif
my youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCmcMLs … CNoiL7eX1g
my deviantart: http://purpledrank666.deviantart.com/

SS official oldfaf.
fuck SS
"A friend with weed is a friend indeed" -Sharpie

"Honestly censorship Is good though it protects women and children" -Absent

"Not everybody think the free market be like it does, but it do." -white economics man

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