Topic: Jokes

Jokes go here or whatever.


"A woman tries getting on a bus, but realizes her skirt is too tight. As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus. Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg. She tried to take the step, but only to discover that she couldn't.

With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip a little more and again was unable to take the step.
After becoming quite frusturated and embarassed, she once again attempted to unzip her skirt more in order to allow more leg room to get on the first step of the bus.

About this time, a large Texan who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus,
She went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan and yelled "How dare you touch my body! I don't even know who you are!"
The texan smiled and drawled "Well ma'am, normally I would agree with you but after you unzipped my fly three times I kinda figured we were friends."

____________________________


"Two men go into a bar with the intention of drinking some beer. After ordering two big glasses and guzzling them down they realize they're short on the tab.

One of the men has an idea. He works at a meat factory and pulls out a salami from his back pack.

"I''ll unzip my pants, pull the salami out from my pants flap, you suck on it and luckily we'll get kicked out for making a scene," he says.

The other guy is hesitant, but eventually musters up the courage to go along with the act. The man pulls out the salami from his backpack, slides it under the table, puts it in his pants, pulls it partially out of his pants flap, and the other guy sucks and gags on it. It happens as the man suggested and they are promptly kicked out of the bar. They begin to realize the endless possibilities and they soon go from bar to bar, ordering tons of beer, drinking it, and using the salami as a way out of their sticky situations.

The sun is about to set and the other guy suggest they go to one last bar before calling it quits. The guy looks around for the salami.

"Where's the salami?" he asks.

"I don't know. I lost it in the first bar."

"Remember, misery is comfortable. It's why so many people prefer it. Happiness takes effort."

Re: Jokes

A neutron walks into a bar and says "hey, how much for a drink?"
The bartender says "for you, no charge!"
Ahahaha

Re: Jokes

An atheist, a vegan and a CrossFitter walk into a bar.

The only reason I know this is because they told everyone within 5 minutes.

"Humanity Is Overrated" - Shrek

Re: Jokes

Women's rights

Re: Jokes

Animal rights

sloth wrote:

Comfy does not provide challenge, challenge provides success, success provides happiness. Our world is not comfy, although we tried to make it so. Slaves of our own inventions, yada, yada. Not only on a technological level, also on a social and political level. Nothing more but apes. Apes with psychosomatic disorders.

Re: Jokes

Anarcho-Veganism, Anarcho-Feminism, Queer Anarchism

Re: Jokes

God wrote:

darknedgy.net

you are banned 4 lyf

Re: Jokes

A physicist, an engineer and a programmer were in a car driving over a steep alpine pass when the brakes failed. The car was getting faster and faster, they were struggling to get round the corners and once or twice only the feeble crash barrier saved them from crashing down the side of the mountain. They were sure they were all going to die, when suddenly they spotted an escape lane. They pulled into the escape lane, and came safely to a halt.

The physicist said "We need to model the friction in the brake pads and the resultant temperature rise, see if we can work out why they failed".

The engineer said "I think I've got a few spanners in the back. I'll take a look and see if I can work out what's wrong".

The programmer said "Why don't we get going again and see if it's reproducible?"

"Humanity Is Overrated" - Shrek

Re: Jokes

Muslim "people" HAHAHAHAHAH

Re: Jokes

reddit

Popping collars since 2013

http://i.picresize.com/images/2015/07/07/j39KV.jpg

http://i.imgur.com/O3syCWD.jpg

Re: Jokes

hhey hey guys
what do lizards smoke?
mariguana!

Re: Jokes

yyo

why can't witches get pregnant?
ghosts have halloweenies!

what do you call a cow that eats all the grass in your yard?
a lawnmooer!

what is the difference between a well dressed man and a dog?
the man wears a suit and the dog just pants!

how did hitler tie his shoes?
in little nazis!

Re: Jokes

The Libertarian Party.

a.

Re: Jokes

RammsteinFearFactory wrote:

The Libertarian Party.

Reformism

Re: Jokes

Communism

sloth wrote:

Comfy does not provide challenge, challenge provides success, success provides happiness. Our world is not comfy, although we tried to make it so. Slaves of our own inventions, yada, yada. Not only on a technological level, also on a social and political level. Nothing more but apes. Apes with psychosomatic disorders.

Re: Jokes

DnE's grasp on reality

Re: Jokes

your hair

Popping collars since 2013

http://i.picresize.com/images/2015/07/07/j39KV.jpg

http://i.imgur.com/O3syCWD.jpg

Re: Jokes

Don't make fun of my hair it's sexy

Re: Jokes

Dark n Edgy is a forum for intelligent people.

Re: Jokes

This devolved quickly.

Re: Jokes

your sexual potency

Popping collars since 2013

http://i.picresize.com/images/2015/07/07/j39KV.jpg

http://i.imgur.com/O3syCWD.jpg

Re: Jokes

yo mama

"Creepy crazy fucking idiot Nr. 873894532"-aCol

Wes wrote:


^^ funny
this guy
the most well written and verbose shitposter on the internet

Re: Jokes

Did you hear the joke about my dick? Nevermind it's too long.

"Remember, misery is comfortable. It's why so many people prefer it. Happiness takes effort."

Re: Jokes

guess what

Re: Jokes

chicken butt