Re: Absent's Party / Socializing Advice.

Obscured wrote:
Fish20 wrote:

This is why I like meditation so much, it makes it that much easier to clear your thoughts and then choose what your thoughts become. If you constantly think "I am not even confident, I suck with girls" etc then you will. Or you can think that you actually are confident and can get girls fine. Even if you don't truly believe these, if you both think and act as if they are true, it will eventually evolve to be that way.

So, what you're saying is 'fake it 'til you make it"?

Confidence is not a real/fake thing. Just a thought process. "I am bad/good", is a matter of opinion and image of self. There is no faking anything really. Unless you have autism spectrum disorders or something (and even then many can do fine) then you are capable of social skills and seduction/romance/whatever-it's-called skills.

There are no clear way to learn it unlike html and css who are actually funny to learn and explore.

Quotes:

sloth wrote:

Hold your head down and you won't get hurt. You'll get exploited, abused and spit on, but hey at least you're safe. Fuck that. I have one life to live, and I'll live it my fucking way. Go on. Stand in my way. See what happens. See what happens when a good guy snaps.

sloth wrote:

There are cemetery for living people. They are called "cubicles". And "assembly line". And "McDonalds". And any other full of shit job you can think about. It's where you are dying every day so you can live on a few select days of your life. If you're not to powered out from working.

loon_attic wrote:

everything is shit and people love it because they're hipster masochists or something

absentinsomniac wrote:

she said to eat her out w/ an ice curbe but nah goodnight lol

Re: Absent's Party / Socializing Advice.

People seriously underestimate how psychological good sex is. If you're anxious, you're much more likely to ejaculate prematurely, you're less likely to connect with your partner which makes things tense and awkward, you're much more likely to overthink everything and become an "observer", among a myriad of other problems. Drinking a few beers (but not too many) before fucking is massively helpful, but that alone won't do it if you're like me and have some pretty serious anxiety issues. I mean it'll help a lot and I recommend it, but there's also other shit that can be done. Especially if you're inexperienced. If you follow a lot of the advice I've been posting about getting your mind right and altering the way you think (basically future directed therapy), you're on your way to having positive expectations in all facets of life, including while having sex. There's other shit I'd recommend though like very, very detailed visualization, meditation and mindfulness, etc.


Plus just generally doing a lot of research. The girls I go after have significantly more experience than me, which at first made me basically blow lots of opportunities to fuck due to nerves. Actually I still blow opportunities due to nerves all the time. I lost my virginity while high as fuck on several drugs, so obviously losing my virginity alone didn't really make me confident in the sack. You don't really get as nervous if you know more about sex than most people due to reading some books / doing your research / whatever. Now, the problem with saying shit like that is it might give folks the idea that you can be "good" at sex by learning specific physical moves. That's kinda bullshit. Lots of people believe they have the "right" way to fuck down and they go through a routine in the bedroom, but what works for one girl will almost certainly not work for the next. All girls are pretty different. How sensitive their clit is, the shape of their vag, their openness to certain things, etc. There's no one size fits all approach. There's basics that are great to know (anatomy of the puss, unclipping bras, engaging in a bunch of foreplay, or whatever), but whoever tells you the "perfect method to make her cum" is full of shit and probably fucks the same with with every girl, which can be good or bad depending on the girl.


Communication is a pretty big deal with this. It's great to ask questions like "higher or lower?", "harder or softer?", etc. Plus paying attention to her reactions is vital. People really neglect the learning experience when it comes to fucking. I mean, if it's just a quickie with some randomer most dudes don't give a fuck and they just lead it and do what they want, which I guess makes sense, but idk I love making a girl feel amazing and the way to do that usually isn't to just rush through things and pound her for 3 minutes and bust lol. Like even if I think I'm gonna bust real quick, like if I can tell I'm anxious and I haven't been drinking or whatever, I'll just do like 15 - 30 minutes of foreplay (or more, whatever it takes to get her to really get going), maybe I'll even get her to cum, and then I'll fuck her and at that point it's not really that big of a deal if ya bust too soon. Condoms and the right amount of beer can make me last a while though, but even then I usually don't just pound away blindly, pretty sure most girls require a bit of handy work even while I'm fuckin. Like I'll rub the hood back and fourth while fucking and that usually has pretty good results. Or I'll grab her hand and get her to do it. Gotta be careful about overstimulating that shit though because it can be painful for them.


Besides a lot of techniques for learning what works for girls I might go into at some point, in general people seriously underestimate how important it is to be comfortable. If you're stressed, she's gonna end up stressed, if you're awkward, she's gonna feel awkward, and a girl is not going to have much fun or "get there" while uncomfortable. It pretty much starts before you even start making out. Like if she feels like you're confident and in control and patient and not trying to rush it and shit, she's gonna feel a lot more comfortable and a lot more ready to let you have your way. Being present really helps you connect. You don't want to be up your own ass going through some mechanical routine, you want to be vibing and on the same wavelength. Idk it's kind of like going into it not thinking about yourself, but instead just trying to give her pleasure and connect. It's a bad idea to think of sex as a "performance", like you're the star and you have to prove yourself and how good you are in the sack. That's a bad mentality. Go into with the mindset of wanting to give and connect. Doing that means being present and getting intimate. It doesn't mean trying to seem like a sex god or some shit. That'll just get you anxious. It's not a contest. It's not a performance.


Really the "keys" to good sex are just open communication, being present, responding to your partners reactions, learning a lot about different kinds of sex and anatomy and shit in general, confidence and self acceptance, having good expectations, and maybe being able to laugh at yourself as well lmao. There's so much bullshit out there about this it's ridiculous. Don't pay attention to the fake bullshit from some guy who aggressively goes after girls and jackhammer fucks them without any foreplay for 30 minutes as if that's what every girl wants. Kek. Some girls want that some of the time. Most of the time that probably won't even get them to cum and it might even be uncomfortable but they don't say anything because the dude is overconfident and thinks he's the shit and he's enjoying himself.

Re: Absent's Party / Socializing Advice.

To clarify something above, trying to get validation or confidence by having sex means you're going into the situation in order to prove to yourself or others something. You may be trying to prove to yourself that you're normal, or confident, or "good in bed". That's kind of shit. I mean sometimes it's necessary to fuck around to get confident, that's fine, but usually fucking just for the sake of validation or confidence is a bad idea. You want to go into it to have fun, to enjoy it. You want to go into it to experience connection and intimacy and shit, too. Just trying to get validation or be called "good in bed" is a recipe for anxiety and is imo not the right idea.

Re: Absent's Party / Socializing Advice.

I'd say the biggest factor that determines how good a dude is in bed would have to be his ability to read signals. Like listen to her breathing and adjust accordingly, if she's moving downward she probably wants you a little higher, if she's making a face then it's probably time to switch something up, etc. If I'm not sure what she's signaling I'll just ask probing questions like "higher or lower", "more pressure or less?" etc. Sometimes I'll just straight up ask her what she likes and how she gets off and how sensitive she is before we even start, if it's a new partner, and if she can't tell me then it can be loads of fun to explore that with her. Sometimes it's just a drunken fling that gets animalistic and in those cases I don't wanna ruin it by asking too many questions and shit so I'll do my best to get in tune with her body (mirror neurons anyone?) and just respond to the body language.

Re: Absent's Party / Socializing Advice.

If you want to be a good lay, fuck her like you legitimately hate her. Women love to be treated like shit in bed.

Re: Absent's Party / Socializing Advice.

I usually won't just fuck the shit out of a girl straight away unless she wants it rough. Most girls do tend to like it rough some of the time, but assuming she's going to cum just by throwing her around and fuckin'her hard probably won't work. Even girls who can orgasm just from penetrating usually need your body to be rubbing to stimulate the clit. Like once I have her real wound up fuckin'her brains out, spanking, hair pulling, and choking are definitely on the table for most girls, but idk I don't do that every time and idk, depending on the girl she won't feel safe letting me do that shit the first time or two.

Re: Absent's Party / Socializing Advice.

yea i mean you kinda feel her out and start kinda slow in the beginning, but once you're in, you just pretend she stole all your drugs or something and fuck her to death.

Re: Absent's Party / Socializing Advice.

Ya that's not bad advice, especially since a lot of guys have trouble taking control and leading, which is generally what girls like. Needs to be that masculine/feminine polarity.

Re: Absent's Party / Socializing Advice.

It's trippy to think about, but we can only pay attention to one channel at a time. There's a LOT that goes on in our environment that we're unaware of, and what's more, there are things in our environment we're unaware of that we can't / don't know we're unaware of. It's useless to be paranoid about this, though, it's best to just pay attention to and focus on the things we want to happen.

Re: Absent's Party / Socializing Advice.

I think a big part of what kills girls orgasms is the guy trying too hard to make her cum. Like, guys kind of get this ego thing going where they're like, if I can't make her cum then I've failed. They think of her orgasm as like the "ending" of sex, or worse, the whole point of sex. That's way off. It's less pleasurable if you're focused on getting some end result out of it. Focusing on making her feel great and just having a lot of fun and exploring together is what's great. When you get too far up your own ass trying to get her to cum, she's gonna feel like there's pressure. Most girls are gonna have some kind of anxiety going on or feel weird if they can't cum when you really want them to, so it's like this pressure you're putting on them to orgasm.


I think the best thing to do is kind of just set it up like, tell her there's no pressure and you're having a great time if that's the case. Or like even before you start, just kind of have a discussion about it if the situation is right for that sort of thing. Like, when you start to get into it or whatever just be like "Look, let's just have fun, ya know? No pressure, let's just explore this and have a great time" or some shit. They'll have an easier time having an orgasm when it's just two people having a lot of fun together and exploring each other than if the dude is seemingly on a mission to make her cum so he can feel validated about it. Like if you're just trying to make her orgasm so you can feel good about yourself she might just fake the damn thing to make you feel good. Fuck that.


Some girls are even super convinced they just prefer giving than receiving, but I don't think that's the case for most girls. Like they do enjoy giving, but at the same time I think if they can just let go and enjoy themselves more, they'll learn pretty quick how much more enjoyable that can be. Edit: Oh and don't ever ask if they're going to cum soon because that's like instant pressure lol, orgasm destroyer.


Edit 2: Like girls really love knowing that I fucking *love* making them feel amazing. Like it really gets me going that they're wound up and feeling great. If I can communicate that to them effectively and they believe it, they have a much better time and they don't feel like there's any pressure, which makes the experience so much better.

Re: Absent's Party / Socializing Advice.

There really is no substitute for practice when it comes to socializing. You can learn all you want but if you're not applying it you won't be able to pull it out your ass in the moment. It takes consistrnt practice to actually improve. I'm trying to work on connecting with people through better body language. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. I'm trying to be able to connect with random girls better via more eye contact, smiling, generally adopting a more relaxed, confident, warm vibe. I've found that this is much easier after sex. Like if I have sex basically the whole day I'm way warmer and more engaged and I smile more.


I have eye contact mostly down, the smiling and other body language things including tonality / enthusiasm need way more work. Like if I'm ready to connect / conversate and I don't seem into it because my face is giving off a vibe I don't intend to give off they're way more reluctant to continue talking. Obviously.

Re: Absent's Party / Socializing Advice.

I'm shit at all those things fuck lel

There are no clear way to learn it unlike html and css who are actually funny to learn and explore.

Quotes:

sloth wrote:

Hold your head down and you won't get hurt. You'll get exploited, abused and spit on, but hey at least you're safe. Fuck that. I have one life to live, and I'll live it my fucking way. Go on. Stand in my way. See what happens. See what happens when a good guy snaps.

sloth wrote:

There are cemetery for living people. They are called "cubicles". And "assembly line". And "McDonalds". And any other full of shit job you can think about. It's where you are dying every day so you can live on a few select days of your life. If you're not to powered out from working.

loon_attic wrote:

everything is shit and people love it because they're hipster masochists or something

absentinsomniac wrote:

she said to eat her out w/ an ice curbe but nah goodnight lol

Re: Absent's Party / Socializing Advice.

Trying to hide your attraction from someone is almost always a bad idea. Confessing your undying love is also usually not a good idea. Usually, it's best to just ask them on dates, hang out, have fun, hook up, and let things progress.

Re: Absent's Party / Socializing Advice.

If she fucks on the first date she's a whore though.

The Grasshopper Lies Heavy

https://i.imgur.com/WsEkePS.png

Re: Absent's Party / Socializing Advice.

There's nothing wrong with being an ethical slut.

Re: Absent's Party / Socializing Advice.

What's an ethical slut?

possessed by the sweaty grip of the moron

Re: Absent's Party / Socializing Advice.

A slut who is open about their sexual activity and treats his or her partners with respect and disclosure, etc. 


It's mostly about communication. They don't cheat, they're open about their intentions, and they fuck as much as they want because it's fun.
Things get murky because a lot of people aren't really in a place where they can handle their jealousy, like there's plenty of dudes out there who
have a hook up and then the girl, for example, isn't really interested in the thing going further, but he got attached because he doesn't have many opportunities or whatever, but that's his problem imo. Hooking up with someone doesn't mean you automatically have a claim on them. Idk you can debate the details all day but there's certainly a way to ethically be a hoe. As long as you're straight up with people anyway.


Leading people on, playing mind games, etc, that's where there's a problem. Guys just really hate it when some slut they're into doesn't reciprocate their feelings, but tough shit imo. If she doesn't reciprocate your feelings and there wasn't some understanding that it would develop into a relationship ahead of time, that's your problem. Everyone has unrequited loves, dealing with it like a mature adult comes with the territory of being sexually active. Like I've got to admit I'm not the best about telling girls who're into me I'm not into them, which basically ends with them holding out hope for me, but that's kinda fucked. I need to work on being more direct in those situations. But I've had it happen the other way around plenty of times too, where some girl wasn't into me and I was into her. When you get rejected, that breeds a certain kind of obsession because you want what you can't have. Just gotta find ways to cope and keep on trucking mang.


It gets even murkier when you're talking about a friends with benefits situation.

2 out of 5 single women and 1 out of 5 single men in "friends with benefits" relationships hoped that their relationship would eventually turn into a full-fledged romance


You just have to be careful and conscious and communicate. Really all you can do in those situations. I'm in one of those situations right now and I think she's catching feelings, but I'm not really sure. So far I'm okay with it if it ends. Idk like relationships are rarely if ever going to be cut and dry, you can't really force yourself or anyone else to feel a certain way. You just do your best, and if it doesn't work out, as long as there was no malicious intent, you just move on and try again. If there is malicious intent then you're probably gonna go through some harder shit, but then you learn to avoid that next time. (Although most people don't learn shit and keep repeating the same mistakes.)


And sexuality and ways things are expressed has a pretty wide range of beliefs you can subscribe to. Just because you subscribe to certain standards doesn't mean other people have to subscribe to yours. Just try to find someone who meshes with your values, because a lot of folks aren't going to have the same sexual / relationship values you do. Cheaters don't value fidelity or loyalty, and usually never will. Hell, I slept with a girl who said she was "polyamorous", which I had to google:


https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polyamory


It's a hoe wide world that we livin in. Communication really is an invaluable tool for sexual ethics imo. Can prevent a whole lot of pain. Like for me I'm pretty traditional. I can do FWB situations, I can have casual sex and remain mostly unattached, but at the end of the day I'm looking for a long term committed relationship with a woman. I could see myself in a polyamory situation, but I personally would never emotionally commit to something like that because I know I'd struggle with intense jealous feelings. I'd rather just remain unattached and call it FWB than pretend I'm okay with my SO having multiple partners even if I had multiple partners too. So yeah, I'm pretty sure I'm just looking for a monogamous LTR, so those are the girls I go after. Which is great because they're the majority, as long as they're not cheaters. Which a lot of them are, so you gotta be careful, but like I said, relationships are messy. Rarely cut and dry.

Re: Absent's Party / Socializing Advice.

If you have negative self talk / negative scripts / a "bad attitude" / a negative mental framework regarding something, you will have a very difficult time building confidence wrt to that thing. This is especially true for any social skill. If you have a good mental framework (or good scripts / positive self talk / whatever), and you practice a thing and get decent at it, you'll be confident about it. If you don't, even if you get pretty good at it, you still might end up feeling insecure about it. In my experience, proficiency and practice alone is only half of it, and you're not likely to reach proficiency without first fixing your mental framework first.


The mind is a powerful thing, and without getting it straightened out, you're making everything a much more painful process. Working on yourself in this way is very difficult, but well worth it.

Re: Absent's Party / Socializing Advice.

Professor Absent, how does one get practice in social situations if they basically only interact in a small bubble of like 5-6 people? Like people are usually busy and don't seem like they want to talk. Not old enough to go to bars yet or anything. I just interact with parents and 3 friends.

There are no clear way to learn it unlike html and css who are actually funny to learn and explore.

Quotes:

sloth wrote:

Hold your head down and you won't get hurt. You'll get exploited, abused and spit on, but hey at least you're safe. Fuck that. I have one life to live, and I'll live it my fucking way. Go on. Stand in my way. See what happens. See what happens when a good guy snaps.

sloth wrote:

There are cemetery for living people. They are called "cubicles". And "assembly line". And "McDonalds". And any other full of shit job you can think about. It's where you are dying every day so you can live on a few select days of your life. If you're not to powered out from working.

loon_attic wrote:

everything is shit and people love it because they're hipster masochists or something

absentinsomniac wrote:

she said to eat her out w/ an ice curbe but nah goodnight lol

Re: Absent's Party / Socializing Advice.

Concerts man. Go to concerts.

Hindsight is always 20/20.

God wrote:

A surprising amount of insight can be gleamed from sitting on the toilet. More concerning, however, is the amount of nostalgia. neutral



When in doubt, move north. God bless suomi.

Re: Absent's Party / Socializing Advice.

Orgies man. Go to orgies.

possessed by the sweaty grip of the moron

Re: Absent's Party / Socializing Advice.

Meetup.com is what I've been looking at. I joined a fuckload of groups on there, haven't gone to any of them but... Can also just say fuck it and start hitting people up. I know a bunch of people who basically just text / fb random aquintences to chill and see if they're receptive. Otherwise you can join a club and organically make friends there. I hear dancing classes are good for meeting people. Or really just find a club / class / whatever that pertains to your interests.

Re: Absent's Party / Socializing Advice.

I ain't losing again idgaf


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IaT8-cA_AVU


Buying some fucking protein too goddamnit

Re: Absent's Party / Socializing Advice.

So we went kayaking and got shitfaced hard fuckin body



Lmao


Fuck the nature conservancy



Lmao fuckin feds boating under the influence

Re: Absent's Party / Socializing Advice.

The kayak rental place had 4 people working and they were cracking up when we got back cuz we were drunk as fuck


Fuckin. Alchollics all of us