Re: Absent's Party / Socializing Advice.

I'm toying with this idea that people interact with others through a behavioral interface and that's how other's perception of you is determined. Other people interpret different outputs differently, of course, but at the end of the day you tweak your interface for optimal results. What this means, though, is that basically other people only know you through your interface, and either like or dislike you based on this interface. Your interface doesn't necessarily map directly to who you are, as behaviors and quirks of psychology can make you behave in strange ways that are incongruent with who you "actually are", where who you actually are is kind of determined by your thoughts / beliefs / etc.


In order to optimize my interface though, I need to basically *feel* like my inner self all the time and not let other peoples outputs or presence change my internal state. This way, I can have a more consistent interface that isn't fucked up by external things as much. This is like a more refined way of explaining a lot of the shit I've written in this thread already. For example, I like some girl, I generate some output like asking her out, and if she doesn't like me, I either optimize my interface (which is not necessarily a reflection of my actual self / worth obviously) or I just move along if I don't think I could have done anything differently. I don't let that rejection emotionally effect me because it's just her interpretation of my interface. It has little to do with me, in reality, it's just her inputs / outputs and interpretations of my inputs / outputs not working correctly. There's a limit on how accurately I can make my interface reflect my internal state because others interpretations are filtered through their state. I can't control their interpretations at all. I can just give outputs, receive inputs, and act accordingly.


This is pretty hard to do but it's essentially the model of social skills and mental hygiene I've adopted. A strong, healthy internal state (mindset) will usually spill over into a better interface, so it's a great starting point. It can sometimes go the other way, a good interface can result (over time) in a better internal state. There are ways to manipulate both. (Better thoughts, forcing better behaviors, etc.)

Re: Absent's Party / Socializing Advice.

This is pretty good advice


http://www.catb.org/esr/writings/sextips/bedplay.html


Bit weird reading ESR talk about fucking but he's right lol.

Re: Absent's Party / Socializing Advice.

So one of the things I think I knew but haven't been actually putting into practice, is smiling. I find it very hard to smile sometimes, and when others smile at me I don't really smile back that much. That's probably one of the bigger things I haven't actually worked on that much these days. I do, of course, smile in situations where I feel a connection and they smile. It's second nature to me. If I'm locking eyes with some random attractive girl, though, sometimes I'll just maintain the eye contact til she looks away and not even smile. That's not very inviting. When I lock eyes with a girl and she doesn't smile, it makes me not want to approach, even though locking eyes with me is a good sign. Plus when a girl smiles at you, that's a good sign, too, which I have barely been looking for or acting on.


That's small and obvious, but idk I don't think I've really been focusing on that at all and it'll probably help.
For some reason in my head I was just like "The fuck is this girl smiling for" even though she was looking right at me walking by.
She was smiling because she wanted me to initiate a conversation, possibly.

Re: Absent's Party / Socializing Advice.

Someone (loon? I forget) mentioned that not everyone is your type of person. Not everyone is going to like you.
This is true. Sometimes you have to find your people. I can usually find a way to get along with most people, and if
I can't it's probably because they're not interested in getting along with me or they're giving me a bad vibe.
Sometimes I think, to this day even, I haven't really found people I *really* really click with. Same shit with women,
some won't like you. Some will. That's okay. Not everyone is your person. Move along, wish them well.

Re: Absent's Party / Socializing Advice.

How to not care what others think to the point if someone is seriously insulting you it doesn't hurt? I mean I even feel hurt when there is a tiny possibility of disapproval (which is always). It's an issue. It's just if I don't care what others feel then I feel like an asshole because I don't put their feelings into account. But then I'm doing and saying everything for them. It's like I can't win. I could either not care at all about others feelings or care and be hurt. I guess there is a balance there but I'm bad at balance.

There are no clear way to learn it unlike html and css who are actually funny to learn and explore.

Quotes:

sloth wrote:

Hold your head down and you won't get hurt. You'll get exploited, abused and spit on, but hey at least you're safe. Fuck that. I have one life to live, and I'll live it my fucking way. Go on. Stand in my way. See what happens. See what happens when a good guy snaps.

sloth wrote:

There are cemetery for living people. They are called "cubicles". And "assembly line". And "McDonalds". And any other full of shit job you can think about. It's where you are dying every day so you can live on a few select days of your life. If you're not to powered out from working.

loon_attic wrote:

everything is shit and people love it because they're hipster masochists or something

absentinsomniac wrote:

she said to eat her out w/ an ice curbe but nah goodnight lol

Re: Absent's Party / Socializing Advice.

It's tough, but basically once you have enough life experiences and you diversify where your self-worth comes from, you don't care as much anymore. I still have a lot of problems with this. If you derive all your self worth from external sources, you're always going to be chasing that. That's what narcissists do. That's what very insecure people do. You don't want to do that. You want to derive your self worth from a core inside, and then get external validation from many sources, not just one or two. It's gonna be pretty hard to just not give a shit at all about other peoples feelings, I still care about how other people see me quite a bit, especially if it's someone I see as important socially. That being said, I could give a fuck about what *most* people in general think of me. It really does come with general confidence, which you can get by expanding your life and trying new things, getting out of your comfort zone, etc.


I really recommend traveling for building some self confidence, if you can afford it. (I don't think you can yet, but still...) You should also keep working on little things and build them up over time, obviously. You have to dedicate yourself to getting a little better every day, even if things fall apart here and there. It's been a long time coming for me and I'm nowhere near where I want to be.


Also, this is just general advice:



You should consciously work on your posture. Head up, shoulders back, walk with confidence. It helps a *lot* with self confidence and changes how people see you in general. I've been slipping up with this a lot, which might be why I've been getting less attention from girls over the last 2 weeks. Plus I got dumped and I've been kinda closed off lately but hey...

Re: Absent's Party / Socializing Advice.

That seems pretty relevant to me as well. I even get anxious when people are nice to me, or when it seems like they don't really mean it when they're polite. And this one time I freaked out and also freaked out the customers, I ended up wanting to die

sloth wrote:

Comfy does not provide challenge, challenge provides success, success provides happiness. Our world is not comfy, although we tried to make it so. Slaves of our own inventions, yada, yada. Not only on a technological level, also on a social and political level. Nothing more but apes. Apes with psychosomatic disorders.

Re: Absent's Party / Socializing Advice.

Liking a girl more and more will not make her feelings for you change. Their attraction for you is not dependent on how much you like them. It doesn't work like that. You could tell a girl you don't even like her and it wouldn't even necessarily make her like you less. In some cases it can make her like you more, although it could probably make her afraid to do anything about it maybe? But yeah, just because you really like someone doesn't mean shit. Chasing them will make them respect you less. Girls need to respect you, and it helps if they kinda see you as better than them in some respects. Idk.


This can be a hard pill to swallow. I never wanted shit to be this way, but every single interaction, every single relationship I get into with a girl, this turns out to be accurate. I hate games, but I gotta play 'em. It's this dumbass power struggle shit, but it is what the fuck it is I guess.

Re: Absent's Party / Socializing Advice.

Maybe I'm just becoming a JaDeD aSsHoLe now but it doesn't seem like it, I've talked with lots of guys who've been through shit and this seems like a common thread. Hopefully there's women who aren't like this but most seem to be. I talked to a guy who's fiance who he bought a house with cheated on him in his own bed. My buddy was with his girl for 2 years, they broke up and she was with a new guy in 2 weeks. Apparently it's very, very common for girls these days to jump from one dick to the next, staying in their relationship until they're 100% over it and then jumping into another one. I've been told this is "literally ubiquitous and all girls do it, some are better at hiding it" and shit. That seems a little black and white but I'm in such a fucked up place with girls where I see all these dumb games work, and work well, and they work for me personally, that it's kind of making me believe some pretty negative bullshit about how dating works these days. Ugh.


Idk I doubt *every* girl jumps from relationship to relationship but I've seen it happen hundreds of times in real life.

Re: Absent's Party / Socializing Advice.

I don't think all girls do it, but yeah I honestly think woman are deteriorating, like you need some level of discipline, seems like girls go for just what "feels right", everything is all about feelings now instead of dedication and building up a relationship, they think you'll just instantly be perfectly happy. Everyone needs to grow a backbone and not jump ship the first sign of trouble. I feel like our generation is fucked. Feminism doesn't help with this bullshit though. Lol quit "slut shaming", nah I think they should be shamed a little, at least of you are fucking over guys who wanted a comitted relationship.

There are no clear way to learn it unlike html and css who are actually funny to learn and explore.

Quotes:

sloth wrote:

Hold your head down and you won't get hurt. You'll get exploited, abused and spit on, but hey at least you're safe. Fuck that. I have one life to live, and I'll live it my fucking way. Go on. Stand in my way. See what happens. See what happens when a good guy snaps.

sloth wrote:

There are cemetery for living people. They are called "cubicles". And "assembly line". And "McDonalds". And any other full of shit job you can think about. It's where you are dying every day so you can live on a few select days of your life. If you're not to powered out from working.

loon_attic wrote:

everything is shit and people love it because they're hipster masochists or something

absentinsomniac wrote:

she said to eat her out w/ an ice curbe but nah goodnight lol

Re: Absent's Party / Socializing Advice.

It's ridiculous out here. I'm at the bar, flirting with my buddy's girlfriend and she seems overwhelmed with laughter and she's having a blast, she's getting closer and closer, then I kinda bring her back to reality intentionally so shit doesn't get worse and I can see the look in her eyes like "holy fuck that was close". I'm talking to friends, look at some girl who's been in a deep conversation with a guy for like 20 minutes at the bar, and she's smirking at me while he's still talking to her.


I have a friend who knocked up his girl, and she flirts with me and looks at me while she's in his fucking arms sometimes. One of my best friend's exes tried to get me to fuck her right in front of him. I had this girl "break up" with her boyfriend for one night and came over to my house. They were together for years. The whole time I was talking to my this last girl, she was texting her ex(es?) and shit and I basically didn't tell her to stop because in this day and age, that's "controlling behavior", but I told our mutual friends if she's gonna be close with him I'm not going to go steady with her. She knocked it off, as far as I know, but like a week before we broke it off she came over to my house at like 11pm and told me about a "work guy friend" she went to a bar with right before coming over. We weren't official so I couldn't even say shit... If I did that'd be seen as "weak and controlling behavior". You're not allowed to catch feelings before they do, or you're fucked. Once they know you like them more than they like you, they start losing interest.


Like what the fuck is the matter with these thots? And that last girl wasn't even a thot, she's been with 4 guys total and she's fucking my age. She still plays guys like that shit all the time. She talked about how she thought being friends with exes is the "mature" thing. The fuck? That's just asking to cheat. Spending late nights with other guys and shit? How the fuck is that the "mature" thing? It's garbage. Girls who fuck me always say the same shit to their friends, "it just kinda happened!". "We were just hanging out one minute, the next we were kissing!" blah blah. They don't want responsibility. That's fine, but if that's how you operate then you don't get to fucking spend late nights alone with your ex, who's "just a friend", because you will fuck him. He will try, you'll give in, because you run on emotion and you aren't giving any weight to our relationship or ethics in general. It's like I have to separate "love" into this category of "anything can and will happen and be prepared to get fucked over and emotionally distance yourself or you'll die" and that's not what I want in life. 


/rant

Re: Absent's Party / Socializing Advice.

I don't dissaggre with the friends with exes if they both can handle it, but it's not apparent that most girls can. I know that my bro is still friends with his ex after they were together for 8 years and no ones cheated.

There are no clear way to learn it unlike html and css who are actually funny to learn and explore.

Quotes:

sloth wrote:

Hold your head down and you won't get hurt. You'll get exploited, abused and spit on, but hey at least you're safe. Fuck that. I have one life to live, and I'll live it my fucking way. Go on. Stand in my way. See what happens. See what happens when a good guy snaps.

sloth wrote:

There are cemetery for living people. They are called "cubicles". And "assembly line". And "McDonalds". And any other full of shit job you can think about. It's where you are dying every day so you can live on a few select days of your life. If you're not to powered out from working.

loon_attic wrote:

everything is shit and people love it because they're hipster masochists or something

absentinsomniac wrote:

she said to eat her out w/ an ice curbe but nah goodnight lol

Re: Absent's Party / Socializing Advice.

I'm okay with "friends with an ex" as long as they don't spend time one on one. If one party has feelings for the other, though, it's a terrible idea regardless. If the guy wants her and knows what he's doing and they have a sexual history, they'll probably fuck if they're at home alone "just hanging out".

Re: Absent's Party / Socializing Advice.

It's really all about maturity and they need to act like adults and not hedonistic teenagers. I get bars and parties and stuff are where girls gather in droves, but it probably isn't the best environment these days for finding good partners.

There are no clear way to learn it unlike html and css who are actually funny to learn and explore.

Quotes:

sloth wrote:

Hold your head down and you won't get hurt. You'll get exploited, abused and spit on, but hey at least you're safe. Fuck that. I have one life to live, and I'll live it my fucking way. Go on. Stand in my way. See what happens. See what happens when a good guy snaps.

sloth wrote:

There are cemetery for living people. They are called "cubicles". And "assembly line". And "McDonalds". And any other full of shit job you can think about. It's where you are dying every day so you can live on a few select days of your life. If you're not to powered out from working.

loon_attic wrote:

everything is shit and people love it because they're hipster masochists or something

absentinsomniac wrote:

she said to eat her out w/ an ice curbe but nah goodnight lol

Re: Absent's Party / Socializing Advice.

I didn't mean parties I meant like if they're hanging out at their house with their ex I don't think that's cool at all. Or at his house or whatever. If I'm in a relationship with some girl and she invites her ex to her house or goes to his house or whatever... it's just bound to turn into something. Especially if it's at night. I would not be okay with that and I don't think my ex would've been okay with me doing similar shit with any girl, let alone an ex gf of mine. I don't care how mature you are, the likelihood of you cheating goes up exponentially when you regularly put yourself into a situation where you're alone with an ex (or anyone you're attracted to). I used to think, well, fuck it, if she cheats then I know what type of person she is. That's true, but why not save myself the trouble? If she insists on hanging out with her ex alone and shit, that's probably going to develop into something else. I've seen it happen a million times, and I've been on the side where I have some girl who's in a relationship. If she's doing that shit I'm starting to think like, just fuck the whole relationship and don't even get into one with a girl who does shit like that.

Re: Absent's Party / Socializing Advice.

I'm not even sure I'm okay with "friends with an ex" really... Just seems like a waste of energy to even have to think about lol. So many partners out there, why get with someone who has that kind of baggage?

Re: Absent's Party / Socializing Advice.

Yeah that is dumb to hang out with ex alone especially at night.

I meant that the type of girl that sleeps around or cheats or is irresponsible would likely to be in the party and bar environment.

There are no clear way to learn it unlike html and css who are actually funny to learn and explore.

Quotes:

sloth wrote:

Hold your head down and you won't get hurt. You'll get exploited, abused and spit on, but hey at least you're safe. Fuck that. I have one life to live, and I'll live it my fucking way. Go on. Stand in my way. See what happens. See what happens when a good guy snaps.

sloth wrote:

There are cemetery for living people. They are called "cubicles". And "assembly line". And "McDonalds". And any other full of shit job you can think about. It's where you are dying every day so you can live on a few select days of your life. If you're not to powered out from working.

loon_attic wrote:

everything is shit and people love it because they're hipster masochists or something

absentinsomniac wrote:

she said to eat her out w/ an ice curbe but nah goodnight lol

Re: Absent's Party / Socializing Advice.

Yea I'm not really okay with someone being friends with an ex and talking to them on the regular. Assuming we're pretty serious, otherwise fuck it i got more important shit to spend my energy on.


But yeah dating seems fucked. It's like that with guys too. Nobody seems to want anything serious anymore. The last guy i was talking to once mentioned if he ever got into something serious it'd have to be an open relationship. The fuck? That isn't a relationship lmao why can't you just call it as it is and just say we're fwb or whatever.


I had a friend that was really into this girl and she insisted on an open relationship. He gave it a go cause he was super into her and figured she'd get bored of it.. and she fucked a different guy like every week, but when he kissed a girl at a party she completely lost her shit. It fucking ruined him. Shit is fucked yo like who wants to deal with that?



Like damn man i get nervous now catching feelings for someone. Shit just hurts and they jump to the next available dick like it ain't no thing.

Re: Absent's Party / Socializing Advice.

I play all these fucking games to get a girl into a relationship with me but how can I have a healthy relationship without much more honesty? I hide my flaws, use early relationships to point them out to me, then when the shit fails because I wasn't communicating them, I start / continue working oon them for the next girl. Eventually my flaws will be covered up enough to make it work but maybe if I were more honest about them it'd be better.


But that kind of requires I make it through the first few months of dating because you can't dump all your flaws on someone up front or it fucks it all up anyway.

Re: Absent's Party / Socializing Advice.

Lol I heard men were just getting Asian or Eastern Europe wives or something because Western women suck now but that was just a rumor. I guess there is some good girls but harder to find. It's actually worse with gay guys too unfortunately.

There are no clear way to learn it unlike html and css who are actually funny to learn and explore.

Quotes:

sloth wrote:

Hold your head down and you won't get hurt. You'll get exploited, abused and spit on, but hey at least you're safe. Fuck that. I have one life to live, and I'll live it my fucking way. Go on. Stand in my way. See what happens. See what happens when a good guy snaps.

sloth wrote:

There are cemetery for living people. They are called "cubicles". And "assembly line". And "McDonalds". And any other full of shit job you can think about. It's where you are dying every day so you can live on a few select days of your life. If you're not to powered out from working.

loon_attic wrote:

everything is shit and people love it because they're hipster masochists or something

absentinsomniac wrote:

she said to eat her out w/ an ice curbe but nah goodnight lol